We were together for 4 years. I can say that was not perfect, but I am happy. I could say that it was something that sustains me. Though I had complaints, majority of the time, I was happy.
It was a lie that up to this very moment I do not understand. I do not know why he had to tell me that lie. In short, a single lie tore us apart. I told him I was tired of things, that we're over. At that point, at that very moment, over the phone, I felt that it was the right thing to do. My intentions were based on anger and frustration.
Now we're over. I tried to talk to him but he didn't want to. Maybe it's his way of coping, and I didn't complain anymore.
God know how much I love him. I sometimes hate myself for saying those words or for allowing these things to happen, but a part of me is saying we've had too much unspoken pain. We're indirectly hurting each other and last night was the breaking point.
I am in too much pain now. How could leaving someone be this hard? How come every step he takes away from me be this painful. It's like he's trying to pull an arrow from my heart.
A part of me wants to work things out. My heart is bruised and tired, but still wants him. The other part wants to let go. That I've had enough. I wish there's a potion for me to forget all the good and happy memories we've had together, I wish there's way to ease the pain, because every time I think of the times we've spent together, my heart stops beating.
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