2 Weeks

"I miss you..."

Out of all the things I wanted to tell him, this was all I could say. After an hours of thinking if I should send him an SMS, I sent him the message. Part of me isn't expecting a reply, the other part of me wanted him to call me. 12 hours later, there was still no reply.

Last night was another challenge, my room mate also broke up with his partner. They were together for 4 years as well. They were only ahead of us for a couple of months. Now it's over.

I couldn't help but think why we were not that strong to keep the relationship intact. I've always thought that we were meant for each other. We love each other, we still do. Why do we have to put up with our pride and fight the feeling of building our relationship again? What is wrong with us?

I thought everything is starting to become easier, but last night, I felt like I was in Day 1. I thought of all the pain that he caused me so I could get mad at him and forget, but it didn't work. I wanted to call him so bad... fuck my pride. I'm gonna do whatever I wanted to do, but my mind wanted me to stop.

I honestly hope that he's happy right now. That's the only thing that would make me stay away from him and not beg him to come back. The idea that he's in a better place now. Someone could be taking care of him the way that I couldn't. God knows how much I love him, but if that means I have to let go so he could be happy, I'd probably do that.

However, I am selfish too. I wanted him to realize what we had. I wanted him to know how much sacrifice I've done for us. Things that I thought would make us love each other more, unfortunately, we both made mistakes. I think this is a sign for us to stop and breathe. If we won't be together anymore, I hope I'd still get the chance to tell him everything.

I have to move on. I have to let him go. I cannot love him without loving myself. It's painful but it's the right thing to do.